Interview with an antenna ball.

I was fortunate enough to get a chance to sit down with a custom Lem-tenna Ball named Ballthasar and ask him a few questions.  The Lem-tenna balls don’t stick around here long so it was nice to get a moment to just chat.

custom antenna ball

Here’s what went down:

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Me:
Ummm…first of all, allow me to thank you for granting this interview.  I understand you are scheduled to be shipped out to North Carolina tomorrow so once again, thank you for giving me your time.

Lem-tenna Ball:
Ain’t no thang but a chicken wang baby.  I’m down with whatever…long as you don’t ask me about politics, religion, or staple guns.

Me:
Fair enough.  So I see here that the Lem-balls have been out for a couple years now.  How do you deal with the legacy? Is there performance pressure or, I don’t know, societal issues you have to face?

Lem-tenna Ball:
Ya know…not really.  I mean there is still some historical hurt behind the fact that the first of our kind was stolen within 15 minutes of creation by some unsavory person at a Starbucks, but all in all, ball-life is good.  I mean, ya know, we just get an antenna shoved up our hoo-haa, which is uncomfy for a sec or we dangle from mirrors or sit on shelves.  It’s not like we have to do more than make folks smile so life as a ball is pretty chill for the most part.

Me:
Cool.  A lot of people want to know what it’s like being created.  Is it a painful process?

Lem-tenna Ball:
Honestly, no pain is involved.  Our hats get soaked in water so they can be formed, and they dry pretty fast in the Arizona sun.  After that us balls get a couple coats of black paint.  That part actually feels pretty good.  Oh wait….yeah man…the glue gun part kinda sux.  I don’t know if you’ve ever had somebody squeeze hot glue into a hat and shove the top of your head into it, but yeah….that ain’t fun.  After that we get our faces drawn and the back of our heads signed then we get acrylic coated to help us hold up.

I’d say we’re durable but ya know…if you keep anything outside in the elements for a long period of time, it’s gonna show some wear.  Good thing we’re inexpensive.  Life as a novelty can be misunderstood by some.

Me:
Good point.  Let me ask you this.  Is it hard to maintain a ball-to-ball relationship?

Lem-tenna Ball:
Daaaag man! I shoulda put that off limits with the rest, but since I didn’t, I’ll hip you on the topic.

Yeah…it’s tough…I mean, unless you get shipped together it’s almost impossible.  I mean…we don’t have arms, and our phantom limbs don’t exist in your human realm so it’s not like we can text or Tinder or whatever.  I tell ya playa, I was crazy in love with this lady ball named Rounda.  She was smokin’ hot…had these big  pretty eyes, and man she had a circumference to die for! I’m talking ba-donka-donk.  Pi high to da sky!! Ya feel me??  Anyway I took her out to the front yard and we sat in the base of this Acacia tree and watched the moon rise.  I thought she was feelin’ it so I reached my phantom arm around to pull her close and then she lost it!!  Maaaaan she spun around took her phantom leg and kicked me right in the me!!!  That was a bad night.  Since then I just chill.  I figure I need to work on being a better ball for “me” before I can be a part of “we”.

Me:
I feel ya on that my man.  I have been to the Places My Balls Have Been Facebook Page and I see tons of pics showing the travels of you people.  Do you have a favorite picture on that page?

Lem-tenna Ball:
Whatta-you mean by “you people”??

Me:
Oh…my apologies, I mean….you balls??

Lem-tenna Ball:
Apology accepted.  Us balls have to deal with enough discrimination from the Equilaterals and frekkin Hexagons.  I’m sorry I went off…what was your question again?

Oh! Oh! The Facebook Page.  ya know man, there’s a ton of pics up there.  I liked the couple pics of my cousins at The leaning Tower of Pisa and there was a shot by this gal named Mona with my aunt Ballarie at the grassy field where Julie Andrews did her dance with them kids in Sound of Music.  I was diggin’ that one big time.

Me:
So is it safe to say you balls are international?

Lem-tenna Ball:
Oh yeah…we’re everywhere.  US, Europe, Canada, Lost on Florida highways, heck we just made Australia last week.  Those balls talk funny and they cost a bit more to ship, but yeah, it’s pretty cool.

Me:
That brings up a good question.  There are 3 different types of balls that can be ordered.  The regular smile like yours, the crooked smile and the Zombie balls.  Are there any issues between different ball types? I mean…do you all get along?

Lem-tenna Ball:
Truthfully, we all have a Funk-centric core so even the Crooked Smiles get down.  There was a Zombie ball named Ellipsy that was trippin’ for a bit.  He kept tying to eat our brains, but it turns out he was Styrofoam-intolerant so it’s all good now.

custom antenna ball

Ballthasar during the interview.

Me:
Wow!…who knew?  Ok…2 more questions.  Being a ball isn’t an experience a lot of people get to have.  What is the whole shipping thing like for your kind?

Lem-tenna Ball:
I gotta tell ya, from what I hear it’s pretty sweet.  We get put in these custom signature boxes and there’s usually a couple of your business cards in there and a custom written haiku inside an origami boulder! The boulder looks like crumpled up paper but it’s really origami…that’s kinda cool.  There’s plenty of room in the box though.  My uncle Roundtree was super happy when he went out.  He was all “Who’s the black ball that’s a hit with all the chicks??!” and I was like “umm..you??” and he said “ya daaaaammmn right”. So I’m thinkin’ it’s a pretty good experience.

Me:
Sweet.  Last question my friend.  I like to end interviews with a more insightful question.  If you could have anything you wanted, what would it be?

Lem-tenna Ball:
HANDS! Real hands!!….or at least the thumb part.  That would be helpful for sure.  If not that then I guess I’d have to say a Bomb Pop.  I mean yeah I know I’d need a working mouth and a digestive system to really enjoy it, but yeah… a Bomb Pop would be tha s__t!.

Me:
Well alright my man.  That does it for this interview.  I’d like to thank you once again for your time.  I really appreciate you doing this for the folks out there.  Best wishes and safe travels to NC brotha.

Lem-tenna Ball:
Naw, thank you man.  Keep it circular.  You’re alright for a biped.

END

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If you’d like to order a Lem-tenna ball to take on your travels and share pics or just to sit on your desk and make you smile, click here.

International orders click here.

Thanks for taking a ride on the bizarre side.

-lem

 

 

Art printed

It’s not often I hear back on a lot of the stuff I do. This time I heard back though and it’s pretty cool. The cat I did that yellow Rabbit for used it to make a gift for his grandson. I’m told it went over very well.

I’m pleased.

vw drawing

Abba Zaba: The Shower

My little sister is pregnant with child. My mother asked that I make an invitation for my sister’s baby shower. So today I worked with my daughter and we made an invitation.

My sister’s husband looks a little like Dave Chapelle so we as a family affectionately refer to the unborn child as Abba Zaba. The little toon is full of subtle family inside goodness so I’m happy to display our collaborative work here.

cartoon